Work anytime, play anytime

People think that freelance photographers have it so easy. They think that because we don't have to clock-in and clock-out, it means we get to work anytime we want, take unlimited lunch breaks, and take vacations whenever we want. Well that's not quite true. I mean I did sort of just pack up and fly to China all of a sudden, but I'm not really on vacation. I'm supposed to be, but I'm not.

Anyway, it isn't true that freelancers get to work whenever they want. Remember all those school projects you had to do every semester? Due date was always right before school's out, so supposedly you could begin to work on them whenever. But whenever was always the night before they were due! Big fat C- for sloppy work and turning in late. No big deal, you told yourself, because after you graduate and enter the real world, you'll do excellent work and submit them on time.

In the real world, you better, or your clients will ditch you and hire your competition. But even when you do excellent work and deliver on time, this is what happens in the real world. This is what happens in real life. The real life of a freelance photographer.

You get a gig from a new client. Because you got the gig on short notice and you're used to how you work with your regular clients, you forget to tell the new client that you need to be paid in advance. No big deal, you told yourself, because you'll do an excellent job and deliver the work on time. And you do. The work couldn't be any better, so the client must hire you again and will pay in advance for the next gig. So far so good, right? Wait, you noob. I'm not finished.

Then the client tells you she didn't receive the work. You send it again and remind her about payment. A few days later you ask for the payment again. A few days after that, the client responds and says she didn't receive the work. You send her the work and remind her about payment, again. She tells you she won't pay until she receives the work. This goes on and on until you figure out that the client is an incompetent moron who couldn't receive my work because she doesn't know how to use a computer!

And now I'm thousands of miles away and still trying to get the money! The work was done! The work was great! I shouldn't have to deal with this! This was supposed to be my vacation!

Do you see what I mean? You do everything great and on time, and you still get screwed. You thought a C- was bad? Welcome to the real world. This is real life. The real life of a freelance photographer. At least an employee gets benefits and weekends. All we freelancers get is unlimited lunch breaks. Take my advice. Don't become a photographer.

Moron among morons

You know how Ricers (those kids who put giant spoilers on their moms' Honda Civics) like to pretend to know what they're talking about when in fact they either have no clue or are just spitting out something they read on an internet forum? Well I hate to say this, but a lot of noob photographers are that way about photography and their equipment.

What's worse is that these noobs like to give advice to other noobs who like to give advice to other noobs, so they end up circulating a bunch of bad information among each other. Oftentimes their info originate from suggestions meant for a different type of photography (eg: giving advice for nature photography to someone doing portraits) and marketing materials (eg: "This digital diffuser invented by Harry Wang creates studio lighting!").

There's a simple way to avoid bad info. Look at the guy's portfolio! If someone is giving you advice for portraiture but he has no portfolio of portraits, he's a moron. If you take that advice and pass it on to someone else, you're a moron too. Please, don't become a moron among morons. Stop the trend! In fact, don't become a photographer.

Have you noticed that I don't give shooting advice in this photography blog? ;)

Nightclub directories suck

I got an offer from a lady from a certain club directory website to submit my photos from a recent event. Actually it wasn't an offer at all, since she wasn't offering anything. My response was, "Tell me more." What I meant was, "I'm giving you one more chance to tell me why this is not a waste of my time!"

Her response was that they want the files zipped and uploaded within 24 hours of the event. I suppose she meant she wants photos for future events too, since it's been 60 hours, 37 minute and 29 seconds since that particular event. OH OH OH! She did point out that she can mention me as the photographer for that event in its tiny ass description!

Look, nightclub directories are useless, except for the people who run the websites. First of all, I don't know anyone finds the next party by going to a directory. People go to their friends to find a party, because everybody knows somebody who knows a club promoter or a promoter for a club promoter. I take it back. Lonely middle age men hoping to accidentally hook up with a young blond might use directories.

Secondly, these directories don't benefit promoters. They make money from advertising, so they only benefit those who advertise on their websites. (At least those who buy ad space hope to benefit.) All those events not being advertised just end up as another event in a long list of events, which lonely middle age men randomly choose from.

Finally, they don't benefit photographers. Those directories generally claim to offer professional (haha) photography services. Suppose your photos are posted in the website and a promoter looking for a photographer stumbles upon them. The promoter isn't going to come to you to shoot his next event. He'll contact the directory, and the directory will choose a photographer who will shoot as a photographer for that directory and receive the least amount of pay.

I told her no thanks. What I meant was, "ROFLMAO!!!"